I WONT BE WRITING ON THIS XANGA ANYMORE ...

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LOL My mind changes so fast its not even funny ... seriously im looking for any excuse to get out of this stupid relationship. Oh well though, its senior year i just want to have a good time and not worry. I really wish i could see Erik right now ! I miss him. And i miss everyone else soon.

Wow .. be right back, going to put some pjs on since i just got ditched. lol. Why am i so happy ? hahahaha Im a loser. : )

I kinda really want Jesus as my boyfriend again. We broke up for a while, not completely but kinda "seperated."

For example: When i went to "see you at the pole " on Wednesday morning- God totally just hit me ! Like hard core, i almost started balling when we were singing and praying and i did the closing prayer and i could barely get the words out because i wanted to like start speaking in tongue hahahaha !

Ill probably change my mind tomorrow .. not about Jesus, but if he calls me. PRAY HE DOESNT CALL. Thanks guys have a great night. I miss Kourtney.

Homecoming week is gonna be BOMB !

Katelyn

Heres my real entry for today:

School, Ill get through it. I decided that school is the only thing that really is dragging me down. Oh well though- one year left and then college.

Money- I am doing fine living without it, but I would like to be able to travel to see people and visit schools.

Friends- Whats going on? I mean Im fine and I love my friends, but some are getting caught up in a few things and i know right now i really need to talk to God and pray for them.

Jesus, I seriously love You. And i havent been showing that- but i know You'll keep guiding me because Im still listening. I could cry I miss You so much.

Me and Brian talked and we think i have an abnormal amount of spiritual feeling in my heart. I know this may sound dramatic, but sometimes i feel like the Giver ( its from the book called The Giver ) and this man takes in everyones feelings so they dont have to deal with them. My heart is heavy a lot of the time,  I know my friends have probably never realized this about me, but i feel dumb talking about it ... heaven forbide i show a soft compassionate side to myself. Sometimes I wish that every inch of my pride could go away and that i didnt have to act like such a tough ass all the time. Its hard though ... probably the hardest thing ill ever have to do. But thats who i really am- I feel for people- its like God takes our hearts out and switches them. So somethings around me thats making my heart heavy ... He'll show me. I love going through trials for Him .. its like a sick feeling like drugs. hahaha.

Have a good day everyone. pray for everyone in this world. Have compassion .. im reminding myself to try that too, cuz i have sucked SOO bad at it lately.

 Katelyn

I heard this song on the radio... and heres a song about having real compassion for people ! I've tried to explain that some people should just not have an opinion on certain things because they dont truly understand. Read em'. If you can listen to this song sometime, please do!

"What It's Like"

We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin' slob's all he replied

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game

[CHORUS]
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like [X4]
To have to lose...

Katelyn ( the band who sings this is Everlast )

Downward spiral.  A good way to describe everything right now. 

I talked to Brian about lots of stuff a few days ago. And one thing I said to him was " i dont need Bible versus from people, i know how to read, and sometimes things just have to be between me and God" And thankfully he totally understood. Sometimes people just need to talk about things and not get advice back.

Ex-Boyfriend syndrom, I want to be with him but the other side of me wants to just hate him  and does hate him, and we are not on the same page. And once again- im taking him on like a project. Gods giving me a big sign telling me that Im gonna miss out on someone incredible if im with this guy again.

Torn.

Always Torn. Seriously everything and i mean EVERYTHING in my life has two sides to it that continually pulls at me.  I dont want to be the person I use to be. Whats going on in my life besides pointless things ?

Im a flipping wishbone. Theres my new flipping nickname ... WISHBONE.

Emo music gets me through . Yes God I can feel you pulling on my heart.... more than ever before. I love You, I just suck without You. 

I know I sound depressed right now, but I had a really good weekend.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???????????????????????

Katelyn